And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
