He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
