We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
