So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
