Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
