Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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