i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
