Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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