Its about making memories worth repressing
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
