you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
