Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
