member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
