I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
