I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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