Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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