When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
