It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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