Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
