thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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