her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
