I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
