anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
