Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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