There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
