so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize