mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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