i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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