im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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