im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
