Jerry, you need to find god
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize