ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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