I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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