week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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