he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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