is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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