I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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