Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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