Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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