Porn is love you can see.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
