just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
