why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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