Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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