I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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