I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
