I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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