i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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