After last night, I could never be a politician.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
