walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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