So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
