So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
