I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
