I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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