the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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