absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
