My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
