How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
