god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize