hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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