just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
