i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
