I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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