just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
