Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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