he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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