you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
