You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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