Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
