You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh god it's open bar.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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