well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
