Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
