the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
