I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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