i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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