Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
