Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
