I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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