drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
