what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
