and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize