please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
